9. Nov, 2016

Thoughts of the day

It has been a busy day for me today, I cried with fear visiting the dentist this morning, I was so pleased my husband Alberto was with me, with the support of Alberto, a very understanding dentist & her assistant I managed to compose myself. I got myself into a tisswas, I was shaking, my breathing became shallow. Treatment that would normally take half an hour turned into an hour. You wouldn’t believe that all my five children were born via C-section. I also had my throat cut from ear to ear 17 years ago to remove a tuma & my thyroid but when it comes to the dentist I have a genuine phobia, just walking up the stairs to the dentist waiting room I start to shake & my legs feel like they belong to someone else. I have to have several teeth taken out as they have been so badly damaged with the medication I have been taking for so many years. Due to me having heart failure I have to have them removed in hospital. I will be asleep when they are removed so I can deal with that. After my dentist appointment this morning it was straight to the hospital for an appointment with the my cardio team, well one of them anyway, Bruno, he is a nurse, he is from Portugal so my husband & Bruno have that in common. My appointment with Bruno today was to have a heart monitor fitted to see how often my heart is failing. I have to wear the monitor for a week, after the week I take it back & the information will be taken from the monitor sent to my cardiologist who will decide on what is the next best treatment for me. After my appointment with Bruno I had to go have my bloods done as I am going for a high definition scan on the 15th, the team have to determine what is the right amount of dye they have to put in me for the scan to be clear. The blood nurse made me laugh today as her & Alberto laughed at my face as It was still numb from the dentist & I could only smile with half of my face, I did a lot of dribbling too. I didn’t mean to spit at Alberto when I was talking to him. Oh well in sickness & in health, he sticks by me at my worst so he deserves me at my best. Today wasn’t one of my best days, It wasn’t one of my worst ether. I became very tired today when I returned home. Some days I get tired very quickly other days I don’t sleep at all. I felt pretty good today considering I had done a lot, Alberto went to the gym when Kewell came home from school, so I got on my scooter & went to the shop with the puppy’s Ellie enjoyed it because mammy took her out to pick sweets to make little sweet bags for her to take to school on Friday for her class mates as it’s her 5th birthday on Saturday. We then went to see Granny Pam & G-mar Peggy. I have to say today as been nice well apart from the dentist. It’s now 2.17am I am still not tired. Sometimes I think I try to soak up every second I can, or maybe sometimes I fear going to sleep wondering if I am going to wake up. I know maybe I am just thinking silly; I have negative days sometimes. But these are some of the things that run through my head when it comes to matters of my heart. I have been waking up in my sleep a lot crying, not just crying I should say sobbing, I thought I was being really strong as I am very positive when I am awake & around my family, I guess it plays on my mind when I am sleeping. I guess it’s the thought of leaving my family that does it. The mind is complex. Well that’s my thoughts for today.